Sleeping Like a Baby

"Get your sleep now, 'cause it'll be only a memory soon." "Sleep when the baby sleeps." "You'll be soo tired." Every expectant couple hears these intimidating pronouncements so often, they can start losing sleep before Baby arrives.

So how bad is it, really? How long does it last? Babywise says "Healthy, full-term babies typically are born with the capacity to achieve seven to eight hours of continuous nighttime sleep between seven and nine weeks." Oh, was that music to my worried, pregnant ears! And let me encourage you too: it's true! Sleep is a skill that must be taught, but it's definitely doable in a reasonable amount of time. Some babies may achieve the 7-8 hours of continuous sleep a little later, but most can do it by 3 months.

How did it work for us? Well, I'm an orderly person and all those pronouncements sure scared me so I when I was pointed to Babywise, I read it all the way through before our baby was born. Twice. Then when Junior was born, even before we brought him home from the hospital, I fed him every three hours. That was especially easy in the beginning because he was so tired from being born he would sleep until I woke him up every time. Babywise encourages parents to focus on keeping a newborn awake long enough to take a full feeding. Gradually those wakeful periods lengthen out.

At home, I stuck to that 3 hour routine of feeding, diaper changing, playing a little, then sleep. It worked pretty well, but there were some hiccups. If Baby woke up before the next feeding time but close and seemed hungry, I'd go ahead and feed him. If it hadn't been very long, I figured something else was the problem and worked to help him get back to sleep.

At night, we didn't play with him after the feeding. Just a quick diaper change and back to bed for everybody. We've been blessed with a baby who requires a lot of sleep anyway, so that was never really difficult.

Now our son, David, was born small (5 lbs 4 oz) and sometimes would sleep too long because he was working so hard on growing. So I set the alarm to make sure I fed him every 3 hours at night... until he got to be about 9 lbs. or so. Then I'd feed him before I went to bed and just let him sleep as long as he wanted. Gradually, he started to lengthen out his nighttime feedings. We went from waking up twice at night to once around 8 weeks. Then he would sleep until 4:30 or 5 AM at 3 months. By 4 months, David slept like a baby at night - 12 hours of continuous sleep.

It's a sweet sweet thing! Every baby is different. The journey to "sleeping through the night" is rough on parents no matter what. But it is achievable in a reasonable amount of time. Good sleep habits can be taught.

RESOURCES

Babywise


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An Easy Babysitter?

When a rambunctious toddler isn't ready for a nap, the TV can make an attractive babysitter.  It is amazing how quiet kids and still kids can become in front of it.  The temptation to plop them in front of it can be quite strong when you just need to get some things done, or would really like to be fully present with the adult you're trying to talk to.

Yet, there stands the American Academy of Pediatrics' recommendation: no TV at all before 2 years of age.  Why?  Well, aside from the violence and marketing they'll be exposed to, it "negatively affects brain development" (Your Baby's First Year, American Academy of Pediatrics pg 490).  According to other research (an article in the medical journal Pediatrics, quoted in Bringing Up Boys pg 47), television viewing by children can lead to violent behavior, obesity, apathy, lower metabolism, decreased imagination and constipation.

So don't do it!  Keep that TV off until they're 2 and stick to just a few hours of educational programming a day after that.  I personally recommend less frequent TV viewing, certainly not daily.  We've gotten rid of the TV in our house and it gives us so much more time to spend talking and getting things done.

There are so many good things for kids to be doing in the real world!  There's running and jumping and playing.  Seems like those activities aren't as popular as they used to be.  Just look at the jungle gyms that have been remodeled lately.  They were once for kids all the way up to 12 years old.  Now, it seems like kids over 7 are no longer interested.  They're much more likely to be inside in front of a screen.  Let's give our kids the gift of an active childhood by keeping that TV off!

RESOURCES

Your Baby's First Year



Bringing Up Boys


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Kids love Justice

We all like to watch the good guy win, right?  There's just something comforting about a movie that ends well.  It makes us feel like "all's right with the world."  Perhaps it's that part of us that's made in the image of a just God that makes us yearn for the bully to be punished and the good guy to get his girl.

In his book, Bringing Up Boys, Dr. Dobson articulated something I knew as both a student and teacher:  kids like it when the teacher defends the weakest and least popular student.  They know that if that kid is safe, then they must be safe too.  This is important for all of us who are in positions of authority, whether over children or adults.  We teach civility and kindness when we protect all those in our care - even from each other.

The "tricky part," (pg 48) warns Dobson, is ensuring that the protected youngster isn't given the idea that he's a "victim" in general.  If a kid gets that idea, he's likely to carry it along for quite a few years and miss out on lots of things that require risk and confidence later in life.  We can avoid giving our kids this idea by focusing on the specific situation at hand, rather than making general statements.

Growing up is hard to do.  Sometimes life just isn't fair.  Yet, by making our own homes as safe from teasing as we can, we will instill in our children basic respect for others.  This will go a long way toward improving the rest of the world as time goes by.

RESOURCES

Bringing Up Boys


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Needs and Nagging

Have you ever "reminded" your husband excessively to complete a task? This is otherwise known as nagging. It's a common behavior resorted to by wives who just can't seem to get their husbands to cooperate.

In The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, Dr. Laura Schlessinger suggests that there's a better way to productivity and harmony in marriage: giving. Rather than seeking our own good, and nagging or snapping in order to get it, spend some time thinking about how to bless your husband today. What might make him happy? A note in his briefcase, his favorite dinner, a back rub?

Dr. Laura suggests trying out some of these tactics without asking for what you want. She predicts that before long your husband will turn to you and ask, "Honey, you've been so sweet, is there anything I can do for you?" And then he'll probably do whatever you ask quite happily. This method really makes for a more pleasant day for everyone in the house!

RESOURCES

The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage

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Short Nap Fix

Have you ever kept your baby up when he seems a bit tired so that he'll take a longer nap? Seems like that would work, but with young babies especially, this can backfire.

Babywise advises parents who notice their babies under 2 months of age waking up after about 45 minutes to try putting them down sooner. I've found this to be a great tip, even for older babies. When David was first born, I kept him up too long because I didn't know what was normal for him. Some newborns only need to be awake for 1/2 hour or 45 minutes at a time.

Whether you keep your baby on a schedule or not, it's a good idea to keep an eye out for his "sleepy cues." When you see a yawn, or baby is pulling on his ears or zoning out with what Ms. Hogg calls a "7-mile-stare," that means his "sleep window" is open. Put him down and he should be able to sleep. But if you wait until that sleep window closes, you'll stop seeing yawns and it'll be much harder for Baby to get to sleep.

When you miss a baby's sleep window, he's also more likely to wake up next time he passes through a light sleep cycle. That's usually around 45 minutes later. So if your baby is consistently taking 45 minute naps and looks rather grouchy and tired when he's awake, try an earlier naptime.

RESOURCES

Babywise

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

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A Kid's Job

Isn't it annoying that kids don't just believe us about the rules? They have to try it out and see if we're serious. Seems like every time I made a rule in my classroom, I'd have at least one kid break it to see what would happen.

It's their job. Kids are just learning about the world and one thing they need to know is whether we mean what we say. The reason that's annoying for me as a teacher or as a parent is that I have to follow through. Oh, it would be easier right now to let the bad behavior slide. But then next time they'll have to try again to see where the line really is. It'd be a lot easier on the parent and the child to just follow through the first time.

In her book, Raising Godly Tomatoes, Elizabeth Kruger points out an experience I can resonate with. While on the phone one day she said "Yeah, the kids are jumping on the bed. I really should go and stop them..." and it hit her. She should stop talking and take care of the behavior issue. This was her turning point toward developing better discipline in her children.

So kids must do their job. They must test the boundaries. We must do our job. We must be willing to stop what we're doing to take care of our children's discipline issues.

RESOURCES

Raising Godly Tomatoes (http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/)

Dare to Discipline

Boundaries with Kids

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Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Boundaries are important. Part of the job of parenting is teaching kids their boundaries. Inside the "fence" of each person are his feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. Outside each person's "fence" lay everyone else's feelings and choices. We can control ourselves but not others. Seems simple, but it's hard to practice ourselves, let alone teach it to kids. Here are some tips.

When a child is attempting something new, don't rush in to help right away. Let it be his. For example, my 5 month old is learning how to sit up. He doesn't have it down yet, so often he flops over into rather uncomfortable looking positions. My mother-urge is to swoop him up right away and say "Oh, you poor baby! Are you OK?" But I've found that usually, he IS alright if I don't suggest crying to him. If I sit back a little bit and wait for him to call out if he needs help, he can learn to take ownership of his body a little bit more. He can handle the emotions or uncomfortable position, or he can practice getting out of it. I'm surprised how tough he is sometimes!

Use logical, rather than emotional, consequences. When a child misbehaves, it's tempting to give them "grace" by not punishing them appropriately. It's easier in the short term. But then it backfires when Junior keeps misbehaving (which he will do since there was no consequence). The parent gets frustrated and even angry with the child. Then the punishment is emotional. Your anger is the punishment. It's much kinder to take away a privilege or spank than it is to hold a grudge against your child. Do the hard work of following through with punishment and keep your emotions out of it.

Offer compassion when Junior encounters an unpleasant limit. There is great power a statement like "I know. I hate it when I have to clean up too. Better get it done." The rule is separate from you as a parent. You love the child and have compassion for the difficult job of growing up, but you don't take away the boundary. That would rob your child of the chance to gain maturity.

RESOURCES

Boundaries with Kids

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Bilingual Baby

OK, so you studied French in college or your spouse is from Argentina. You want to give Baby the gift of learning not one, but two languages during the sponge phase of baby- and toddler-hood. Great! But how?

While raising a bilingual baby sounds wonderful, there are some how-to's it's wise to keep in mind so you don't confuse Baby.

1. There should be some logic to when each language is spoken. One parent speaks one language to him, the other parent speaks the other. Or maybe you have "Spanish hour" at a specific time of the day. Don't switch willy-nilly between languages or your baby will have a hard time learning the difference.

2. Use correct grammar in both languages. This one's especially important for people like me who learned a second language they want to pass along. Think before you speak in your second language. If you make a lot of mistakes, Baby will learn it the wrong way too.

3. Expect a later talker. A monolingual child will begin to speak anywhere between 8 and 18 months, reaching a reasonable fluency somewhere around 2 years old. A bilingual child won't develop a "reasonable fluency" vocabulary until closer to 3 years.

4. Stick with it! Studies have shown that bilingual children perform better at cognitive tasks later on.

RESOURCES

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers (See pg 162)

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The Structured Baby

Does that sound like an oxymoron? Well, in a way it is. Baby is born into the world knowing nothing but the comfort of the womb with its sleepy darkness and all-night buffet. Then he makes it to your arms, looking a little dazed and squished.

Now comes the real work. As Mom and Dad, it is our job to teach Baby what life is like. We have a daily structure for eating, sleeping and the like. Baby will need one too. Only he doesn’t know what that should be. If we let him take the lead, we will end up swapping day for night and living a chaotic, exhausting, child-centered life indefinitely. Baby doesn’t really know what is best for him, so we must help him.

How? Well the answer is in the order of baby’s activities. When he’s first born, Baby’s “day” is roughly 3 hours long, and broken into three activities: eating, activity, and sleeping. The trick is to keep it in that order: (1) eat, (2) activity, (3) sleep. This helps Baby to develop normal patterns of hunger and sleep. It also helps parents discern Baby’s needs.

With a newborn, it should only take gentle coaxing to help this natural routine to fall into place. Work to keep Baby awake when you feed him so he has a good meal, rather than a small snack. At the beginning, this can take some doing. Gently rub his arms and belly. Change a diaper in the middle of feeding if necessary. Those first feedings should take about 20-40 minutes.

While a disordered baby’s needs rule his parents’ lives, a structured baby can be welcomed into the existing family. What a wonderful way to begin Baby’s life!

RESOURCES:

Babywise

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

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How to Talk to Baby

How much can Baby understand? Really, there’s no way to know for certain. Ms. Hogg wisely points out in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer that babies are people too. It seems too obvious to mention, but parents can ignore this very basic fact if they aren’t careful.

Isn’t it tempting to talk about Baby while he’s around? Of course! He’s usually the most interesting topic of conversation! But, how do I feel when someone complains about how I’m grumpy all the time or so difficult to understand? Perhaps we ought to choose our words more carefully. You never know when Baby will begin to catch the drift.

RESOURCES

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

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Baby Personality Types

As any parent of more than one child can attest, every baby is different. Here’s the run down of Tracy Hogg’s Baby Personality Types:

Angel Baby

This is the baby you can take anywhere. He rarely cries, and when he does it’s because of a specific need.

Textbook Baby

This baby follows the book. He hits the developmental milestones right on cue. His cries are pretty easy to decipher too, since they follow “normal” patterns so closely.

Spirited Baby

This is the one who loves the action! He’ll get bored if there’s not enough going on, but can easily get so wound up that it’s hard to calm down for sleep.

Grumpy Baby

These ones seem to have a chip on their shoulders. They kind of like to be left alone sometimes and have definite likes and dislikes.

Touchy Baby

These babies are easily overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, too many people in their faces, and too many activities. They like life in the slow lane.

RESOURCES

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

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