Kids love Justice

We all like to watch the good guy win, right?  There's just something comforting about a movie that ends well.  It makes us feel like "all's right with the world."  Perhaps it's that part of us that's made in the image of a just God that makes us yearn for the bully to be punished and the good guy to get his girl.

In his book, Bringing Up Boys, Dr. Dobson articulated something I knew as both a student and teacher:  kids like it when the teacher defends the weakest and least popular student.  They know that if that kid is safe, then they must be safe too.  This is important for all of us who are in positions of authority, whether over children or adults.  We teach civility and kindness when we protect all those in our care - even from each other.

The "tricky part," (pg 48) warns Dobson, is ensuring that the protected youngster isn't given the idea that he's a "victim" in general.  If a kid gets that idea, he's likely to carry it along for quite a few years and miss out on lots of things that require risk and confidence later in life.  We can avoid giving our kids this idea by focusing on the specific situation at hand, rather than making general statements.

Growing up is hard to do.  Sometimes life just isn't fair.  Yet, by making our own homes as safe from teasing as we can, we will instill in our children basic respect for others.  This will go a long way toward improving the rest of the world as time goes by.

RESOURCES

Bringing Up Boys


Read More >>

A Kid's Job

Isn't it annoying that kids don't just believe us about the rules? They have to try it out and see if we're serious. Seems like every time I made a rule in my classroom, I'd have at least one kid break it to see what would happen.

It's their job. Kids are just learning about the world and one thing they need to know is whether we mean what we say. The reason that's annoying for me as a teacher or as a parent is that I have to follow through. Oh, it would be easier right now to let the bad behavior slide. But then next time they'll have to try again to see where the line really is. It'd be a lot easier on the parent and the child to just follow through the first time.

In her book, Raising Godly Tomatoes, Elizabeth Kruger points out an experience I can resonate with. While on the phone one day she said "Yeah, the kids are jumping on the bed. I really should go and stop them..." and it hit her. She should stop talking and take care of the behavior issue. This was her turning point toward developing better discipline in her children.

So kids must do their job. They must test the boundaries. We must do our job. We must be willing to stop what we're doing to take care of our children's discipline issues.

RESOURCES

Raising Godly Tomatoes (http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/)

Dare to Discipline

Boundaries with Kids

Read More >>

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Boundaries are important. Part of the job of parenting is teaching kids their boundaries. Inside the "fence" of each person are his feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. Outside each person's "fence" lay everyone else's feelings and choices. We can control ourselves but not others. Seems simple, but it's hard to practice ourselves, let alone teach it to kids. Here are some tips.

When a child is attempting something new, don't rush in to help right away. Let it be his. For example, my 5 month old is learning how to sit up. He doesn't have it down yet, so often he flops over into rather uncomfortable looking positions. My mother-urge is to swoop him up right away and say "Oh, you poor baby! Are you OK?" But I've found that usually, he IS alright if I don't suggest crying to him. If I sit back a little bit and wait for him to call out if he needs help, he can learn to take ownership of his body a little bit more. He can handle the emotions or uncomfortable position, or he can practice getting out of it. I'm surprised how tough he is sometimes!

Use logical, rather than emotional, consequences. When a child misbehaves, it's tempting to give them "grace" by not punishing them appropriately. It's easier in the short term. But then it backfires when Junior keeps misbehaving (which he will do since there was no consequence). The parent gets frustrated and even angry with the child. Then the punishment is emotional. Your anger is the punishment. It's much kinder to take away a privilege or spank than it is to hold a grudge against your child. Do the hard work of following through with punishment and keep your emotions out of it.

Offer compassion when Junior encounters an unpleasant limit. There is great power a statement like "I know. I hate it when I have to clean up too. Better get it done." The rule is separate from you as a parent. You love the child and have compassion for the difficult job of growing up, but you don't take away the boundary. That would rob your child of the chance to gain maturity.

RESOURCES

Boundaries with Kids

Read More >>